Rahul S. Bhujbal

How to get a nice wife

2005-02-25T05:47:00.000-08:00

There are times in a person's life when he needs to take crucial decisions on his own. Marriage is one of them. Believe me, the decision on whom to marry is the most important decision a person will make in his life. After marriage, your wife is the most important person in your life. She can make or break your life. The mere thought of this is very frightening.

Some of the questions that crop up are -

What sort of a girl do I marry?
Will she adjust in my family?
How can I decide on a girl by just meeting her for a few times?
When should I get married?
This is my life. So, I should choose the girl I marry, but then what if I make a mistake? .. so on and so forth.

I will try to address these & many more questions in the following sections.

The Nine Rules of Arranged marriage

Rule 1 - Magic no. 28

In an ideal scenario, a girl goes to college at the age of 18. By the time she graduates, goes for her post graduation and/ or works for 1-2 years, she will be about 23- 24. This means that she has spent about 5 years away from her home. In the 5 years period, she would meet many smart guys at college or during her first few years on job. So, in all probability it would be difficult to find a good girl older than 24 yrs. Secondly, in Indian families there is lot of pressure on the girl's to get married by the time they become 24-25.

Statistics says that there is a generation gap after every 5 years. So, in such scenario, one would prefer to marry a girl who is about 3-4 years younger to you. Thus, working backwards, an ideal age for a guy to get married is by 28. Earlier the marriage, the better it is.

Well, as we all know, in the current market scenario, there will never be stability in our career. So, I believe there is no such thing as, "I will marry when I settle down".

Rule 2 -- Subset of marriage-able girls

At times you hear statements like, "I am not getting the right match, I will look after 3 months, I will find a better match then". Well the truth is otherwise. The subset of unmarried girl looking for a match is fixed. From this subset, there would be girls who would get married & there would be new girls added who would be looking for a match. The net result is that at any given time, the variety & number of marriage-able girls are fixed.

Rule 3 - Competition for girls

Like all other facets of life, there is lot of competition for good girls. So, if you are looking for a girl who is post graduate, done her Engg, is working, very beautiful, smart, from a good family etc, just think again. There are other guys who are also looking for similar girls & probably they are better off than you in terms of career, looks personality etc. Given a choice every guy would like to marry Aishwarya Rai. So, set your expectations accordingly.

Rule 4 -- Understanding girls

You would have met a lot of people during your life. As we all know, its difficult to judge a person based on a few meetings. I am sure you would agree with me that in case of girls it is even more difficult to understand them in a few meetings. I know people who are still trying to understand their wife. ;-).. Understanding your spouse is a life long assignment. So, then how do you select a girl based on a few meeting? This is where you need to take the help of your parents/ friends & latest technologies like email/chat to choose your girl.

Rule 5 - Society expectation

The selection process is tough on every one who is involved in the process. In arranged marriage, involvement of family & society is pretty high. You can't meet a girl 3-4 times & then say no to her. It is bad for her future. So, you should have a good short-listing criterion. Meet only a few girls & be sure what you are looking for. It is for the benefit of everyone involved.

Rule 6 -- Marriage between equals

Unlike love marriage, in arranged marriage you also marry into the girl's family. In arranged marriages, family support plays a major role in ensuring a successful marriage. This is where the compatibility of social status, family values & caste/religion plays a major role. Its important to note that in case there is a perfect match between the two families, the marriage is destined to succeed.

Rule 7 - Know yourself

Unlike love marriage, in arranged marriage you first marry a person & then fall in love. So, it's very important that you do a self-assessment on the kind of person you would love. They say, "Opposite attract", while they also say, "Bird of same feather flock together". So, you take a call on what sort of person you like. Take a pen & paper; write down the kind of attributes you are looking for in a girl. Say, she should ideally have the looks of Sonia, the style of Monica, the voice of Sheena, the patience of Rashmi. You will certainly not find the perfect girl, but then you would have a good idea of what you are looking for. The secret here is to set some minimum criteria for selection. Don't forget rule no.3 here.

Rule 8 -- Girl's Beauty

A girl's looks attract, but then no one wants to end up marrying a dumb It is like buying your bike. When you initially buy it, you are crazy about the looks, but later on you love it for its reliability, fuel economy & comfort level. Similarly, a girl's looks are important, but then it should not be the most important criteria. Later on in life, you will get bored of her looks. It is then that her personality & behavior will make all the difference to your marriage. I am sure your parents will be able to advice you a lot better on this topic.

Rule 9 -- Taking advice

As I have mentioned in the next rule, it's very important that the final decision on whom to marry must necessarily be yours. However, don't do the mistake of isolating yourself from the world while planning your marriage. Discuss with your parents & very close friends on this issue. They are your well wishers. Secondly, in such important matters its necessary that you analyze all possibilities. Remember, I am not suggesting that you follow others' advice, but don't forget to take their advice.

Rule 10 -- Own decision

All said & done, it's your marriage & your life that is at stake. Once you are married, you & your wife are the only persons who will be facing the music. Don't marry a girl just because your parents or friends asked you to do so. After marriage, if things don't work out & you end up saying, "It's because of my friends or my parents that I married you", then your marriage is destined for disaster. If the girl is of your choice, it is you who will be responsible for whatever happens. That's when the marriage works out perfectly. So, ensure that you marry the girl of your choice.

How to approach the selection process?

From the day, a person decides to get married; the selection process takes a minimum of 3 months. The whole process needs a lot of patience & commitment. The ideal steps to be followed are:

a.. Definition phase –

Define the minimum criteria for the kind of life partner you are looking for in terms of education, physical appearance, social status, family values, future career plans. Remember the Rule 3 here.

b.. Lead Generation phase –

Place ads in various newspapers, magazines, websites, through friends, family friends, family societies & association etc. You need to exhaust all possible means of getting bio-datas at one go. Remember the Rule 2 here.

c.. Short listing phase –

Based on your selection criteria, short-list the interesting bio-datas. The general process followed for correspondence is as follows:

The initiator sends a one page profile of himself/herself.
Based on the profile, the receiver sends his/her one page profile along with request for detailed profile, photo, horoscope.
The initiator then sends the requested information along with a request for similar information.
The receiver send similar information.
If the bio-data is selected, it is passed over to the next phase.

A.. Casual interaction phase –

Based on short listing, about 7 to 10 bio-datas are taken forwarded to this phase. The next step to follow here is to exchange email/ chat ids. The guy & the girl then interact for 10 - 15 days to try & judge mutual compatibility through email/chat.

B.. Family interaction phase –

Based on the earlier phase, about 5 leads are taken for consideration in this phase. During this phase, the parents get involved & check the background information about the families to find mutual compatibility.

C.. The dating phase –

Based on the earlier phase about 3 leads are taken forward to this phase. During this phase, the guy & the girl interact by going out alone for 2-3 times. The guy needs to prepare a set of simple questions like who is your favorite star, what are your hobbies? He needs to use his judgment to analyze the girl based on her responses.

D.. The D-day phase –

Finally, the D-day comes when the guy has to select the girl he wants to spend his life with. If the process if followed systematically, there will be no ambiguity in deciding who should be your life partner.

Finally, my dear friends, marriage is all about compromises. In spite of all the planning that you do, there are a lot of uncertainties in a marriage. In fact this is the best part about marriage. Just remember that the person you marry must be of your choice. In such case, there would be no going back for both of you.

A few words of advice: To make your marriage a success; just believe in the age-old virtue, "Never do anything to others that you don't like for yourself".

MINDSPHERE - SHARING THOUGHTS

2004-11-23T07:28:00.000-08:00

If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great many things that are missing, if you don’t have love in your life, no matter what else there is, it’s not enough.
Knowledge is of no value unless you put it into practice.
Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you.
A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.
Be a good listener. Your ears will never get you in trouble.
No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave.
Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgment.
Lack of direction, not lack of time, is the problem. We all have twenty-four hour days.
Until you have learned to be tolerant with those who do not always agree with you; until you have cultivated the habit of saying some kind word of those whom you do not admire; until you have formed the habit of looking for the good instead of the bad there is in others, you will be neither successful nor happy.
Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize them.
If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.
Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
Never argue with a fool.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

"Yukon" : Microsoft’s Next-Generation Data Management and Analysis Software

2004-10-07T10:19:00.000-07:00

Hello Friends,

Last week I attended a seminar organized by Microsoft in Mumbai. The seminar was arranged to introduce Microsoft’s Next-Generation Data Management and Analysis Software, MS-SQL Server 2005 Beta 2, which is also codenamed as “Yukon”. Yukon is expected to come in the next summer. The seminar was conducted by Nauzad Kapadia, who is one of the topmost MVPs of India. The seminar was really invaluable to me. So I would like to share my knowledge and experience with you.

Microsoft's SQL Server 2005 Beta 2

It provides lots of new and improved functionalities, such as

A robust database for building dynamic applications
Strong XML support
Tools and features to enhance management and ease of use
Easy installation and setup
Scalability and performance
Deep integration with Visual Studio 2005
Robust security

To keep your interest in this article, I would like to introduce you some of the most interesting, amazing and programmer friendly features of SQL Server 2005 Beta 2. Have a look at these :
Talk to database in any language :- Write your Stored Procedures and Triggers in any .Net Supported language like C#, VB, mgd C++, COBOL and off course with your own T-SQL.
Debug ur Stored Procedures :- Debug your stored procedure with SQL Server 2005’s new environment.
Management Studio :- Get a new and exciting environment to work in - the tool set : SQL Server Management Studio. It is the first database administration suite that allows you to manage DTS, Reporting Services and Notification Services applications. Whether you're a serious Transact-SQL developer or are new to SQL Server, the SQL Server tool set provides the flexible and intelligent architecture that you need to accomplish database tasks.
MAX :- The maximum size for VARCHAR and VARBINARY was 8,000 and for NVARCHAR 4,000. If you had data that potentially exceeded that size, you needed to use the TEXT, NTEXT, or IMAGE data types (known as Large Object data types, or LOBs). This was always a hassle because they were hard to work with, in both retrieval and action statements. Now This situation changes in SQL Server 2005 with the introduction of the MAX specifier. This specifier allows storage of up to 231 bytes of data, and for Unicode it is 230 bytes. When you use the VARCHAR(MAX) or NVARCHAR(MAX) data type, the data is stored as character strings, whereas for VARBINARY(MAX) it is stored as bytes. These three data types are commonly known as Large Value data types.
MARS :- Multiple Active Result Sets (MARS) lets you have concurrent access to more than one resultset on the same connection.
DDL Triggers :- We have always written triggers on DML statements (Insert, Update and Delete). But what about changes based on Data Definition Language statements, changes to the schema of a database or database server? It has not been possible to use triggers for that purpose—that is, until SQL Server 2005. In SQL Server 2005 you can create triggers for DDL statements as well as DML.
Ranking Functions :- SQL Server 2005 introduces four new ranking functions as:
i. ROW_NUMBER() :- It was only possible in Oracle, but now it’s available in your SQL Server 2005.
ii. RANK()
iii. DENSE_RANK()
iv. NTILE()
Recursive Queries :- A recursive query is a new query type that provides a hierarchical result set. Yukon includes Common Table Expressions (CTEs) that have recursive querying capabilities.
Exception Handling :- Have you ever written a try … catch block in a stored procedure ? No never before. Now SQL server 2005 Beta 2 provides us the facility to catch the exceptions in the procedures and triggers by using try and catch statements.
Datatype as XML :- Yukon provides new data type as XML. It provides the user with the flexibility to not only store data in XML columns but also create indexes on them.

Mind-Sphere : Don't Grow Old, Grow Up!

2004-10-05T07:18:00.000-07:00

Don't Grow Old - Grow Up!
The first step toward maturity - Responsibility

Don't kick the Chair. Be willing to account for yourself; don't blame others.
Damn the Handicaps! - Full Speed Ahead. Don't make a handicap an excuse for failure.
Five Ways to Ditch Disaster:
Accept the inevitable; give time a chance.
Take action against trouble.
Concentrate on helping others.
Use all of life while you have it.
Count your blessings.
Action is for adults

Belief is the Basis for Action. Know what you believe and act accordingly.
Analyze Before You Act.
Two Wonderful Words that Changed a Life. When the time for action arrives, don't hesitate.
Three great rules for mental health: Know yourself, Like yourself, Be yourself
There's Only One Like You Learn to know yourself by:
Cultivating moments of solitude.
Breaking through the habit barrier.
Developing excitement and enthusiasm.
Conformity: Refuge of the Frightened. Be yourself by developing your own convictions and standards; then have the courage to live with them.
Why is a Bore? Develop inner resources to avoid boring yourself and others.
The Maturing Mind: Adventure in Adult Living. Develop your mind through intellectual activity.
Marriage is for grownups

How to Get Along with Women. Here are seven ways:
Give her appreciation.
Be generous and considerate.
Keep yourself attractive.
Understand a woman's work.
Be dependable.
Share her interests.
Love her.
Father Come Home. Children need fathers too.
How to Get Along with Men. Here are seven ways:
Be good-natured.
Be a good companion.
Be a good listener.
Be adaptable.
Be efficient, not officious.
Be yourself.
Be glad you're a woman.
The Rediscovery of Love. We must develop a more mature concept of love.
Maturity and making friends

Loneliness: The Great American Disease.
People are Wonderful. Learn to appreciate them.
Why Should People Like You? They will like you if you like them and develop qualities of warmth that attract others.
How old are you?

If You're Afraid of Growing Old, Read This. Learn some of the facts about aging.
How to Live to be 100 and Like it. To live longer, develop attitudes that promote health of mind.
Don't Let the Rocking Chair Get You. Work as long as you can.
Maturity of spirit

The Court of Last Appeal. When all else fails, try God.
The Food of the Spirit. Our spirit is nourished through prayer.